麥向未來，球個好運...

剛穿上警服的小五決定犒勞犒勞自己,到劇院看電影。買票的隊伍排得長長的,小五吐口氣,排到最後。                                                                                
 “新警察吧？”旁邊一個人問。                                                                                
   小五納悶：“你怎知道？                                                                              
 “咳,老警察哪有排隊買票的。”                                                                                
 “哦。”小五明白了,徑直走到售票口前,遞上錢說：“我買一張票。”                                                                               
 “新警察吧？”窗口裡的人笑了。                                                                                
 “你怎知道？”                                                                                
 “老警察哪有掏錢買票的,你直接進吧,沒人敢攔。”                                                                                
 “哦。”小五又長了見識,一試,果然沒人攔。  進了劇場,小五到樓下隨便找了個位子坐下。  屁股還沒坐穩,
   旁邊就有人問：“新警察吧？”                                                                                
  真是奇了怪了,小五心裡疑惑,嘴上還硬：“誰說的！”                                                                                
 “人家老警察都在樓上看電影,樓下的都是你這樣的新警察。”                                                                                
  小五到樓上一看,可不是嗎,這兒有不少警察呢。  小五挑了個位子坐下,沒多久,電影就開了。
  旁邊的一個警察扭頭看了他一眼,冷冷的說 ：“新警察吧？”                                                                                
 “你咋能看出我是新警察？”                                                                               
 “老警察哪有你那樣規規矩矩坐著看電影的,得像我這樣。”                                                                                
  小五學著老警察,把兩只腳翹起來,架在前排人的脖子上,  果然舒服了許多,找到些當警察的感覺。                                                                                
  電影演了一半,小五有些內急,便往衛生間趕。在衛生間門口,
  被一個工作人員攔住了："新警察吧？”
  小五還是納悶：“我腦門上又沒寫字,你怎知道？”                                                                                
 “哪有警察還到這兒,人家都是從樓上往樓下尿,你一看就是新警察。”                                                                                
  小五好慚愧,自己差點給警察丟了人。他站到二樓邊上,朝著樓下滋出一股來……                                                                                
 “嗨,樓上尿尿的是新警察吧！”樓下突然有人大聲喊。                                                                                
 “……”小五探著身子往下看。                                                                                
 “看啥看,人家老警察一尿就是一片,哪像你這個新警察,就往我一個人頭上澆！”                                                                                
 “……ㄓ＃﹒＊＆……”                                                                                
  小五心情鬱悶,在馬路上找了個小姐想溫存一番。  一番摸索之後,小姐問道：“新警察吧！”                                                                                
  小五聽的有點頭暈,“怎麼啦？”                                                                                
 “老警察哪有這樣有禮貌的,都是霸王硬上弓的。”  給小姐上完弓之後,小五決定再不給人民警察丟人了,
  小姐費也不付,吧台費也不結,大搖大擺的往出走。                                                                                
  老闆扭頭看了看他說：“新警察吧？”                                                                                
  小五徹底快崩潰了,掐住老闆的脖子問：“怎麼這樣你都能看出來？”                                                                                
  老闆：“人家老警察不但白玩,走的時候還要收保護費呢！                                                                                
  小五心想：靠！！新警察也是警察呀！                                                                                
  於是對著老闆說：把保護費給我！！！                                                                                
  老闆說：新警察吧？                                                                                
  小五：。。。。                                                                                
  老闆：人家老警察都是叫我們送費上門,哪有親自來收的？                                                                                
  小五受到歌廳老闆的羞辱,決定拿出警察的威嚴,給老闆一點難堪。                                                                                
  聽著隔壁傳來的淫聲浪語,小五一腳踢開緊閉的門,                                                                                
  對裡面一對赤身裸體的男女厲聲喝道：“都別動,我是警察！”                                                                                
  女的懶洋洋地坐起,摟著那男人斜著眼對小五說：“新警察吧？”                                                                                
  男人也說：“他是新警察。”                                                                                
  小五又厲聲問這對狗男女：“你們怎麼知道我是新警察？”                                                                                
  女人嘴一撇指著身邊的男人道：“哪有老警察不認識他們局長的？”                                                                                
  小五一聽是局長扭頭就跑,出門就撞一個人懷裡,
  一看是個衣冠楚楚的先生,連忙道歉,
  那人一笑,”新警察吧”                                                                                
  小五快炸了”你也知道?”                                                                                
  ”我是這的經理,老警察沒一個不認識我的”                                                                                
  小五匆匆逃出歌廳,出門就看見路燈下一人在撬自行車,
  他跑了過去,捉著那人要回警局，那人一瞥”新警察吧?”
 ”不是!!,跟我回去!”                                                                                
  ”還不是,老警察哪管這事”                                                                                
  ”新警察怎麼的了,新警察新形象!”                                                                                
  ”呵,這話我在你局長還是新警察的時候就聽過了.”                                                                                
  小五開著警車徑往朋友家,一路是風馳電掣,好不愜意,在街道拐彎出,
  一個人騎著輛自行車突然從暗處冒出來,小五踩剎車不及,“砰”的一聲,
  自行車連人一起飛了出去,小五慌忙下車,走向前一看,那人的腿部不停的
  有血冒出,地上已有一大灘血蹟了。小五二話沒說,抱起那人就往車子那兒走,
  那人呻吟著問小五：“同志,新警察吧”,                                                                                
  小五納悶：今天怎麼每個人都問我是不是新警察,我今天是不是撞邪了？                                                                                
  那人呻吟著接著說道：“老警察哪管撞的是什麼,拉著笛就走了,
  哪象你還停車看我,害得我現在這麼痛……”,還沒說完,那人就昏了過去。                                                                                
  小五決心洗心革面,發誓做個老警察。                                                                                
   一天,他路過一個煙攤,上去對煙販說：“這兩條“中華”我帶走了”
  ”不是!!,跟我回去!”                                                                                
  ”還不是,老警察哪管這事”                                                                                
  ”新警察怎麼的了,新警察新形象!”                                                                               
  ”呵,這話我在你局長還是新警察的時候就聽過了.”                                                                                
小五開著警車徑往朋友家,一路是風馳電掣,好不愜意,在街道拐彎出,
  一個人騎著輛自行車突然從暗處冒出來,小五踩剎車不及,“砰”的一聲,
  自行車連人一起飛了出去,小五慌忙下車,走向前一看,那人的腿部不停的
  有血冒出,地上已有一大灘血蹟了。小五二話沒說,抱起那人就往車子那兒走,
  那人呻吟著問小五：“同志,新警察吧”,                                                                                
  小五納悶：今天怎麼每個人都問我是不是新警察,我今天是不是撞邪了？                                                                                
  那人呻吟著接著說道：“老警察哪管撞的是什麼,拉著笛就走了,
  哪象你還停車看我,害得我現在這麼痛……”,還沒說完,那人就昏了過去。                                                                                
  小五決心洗心革面,發誓做個老警察。                                                                                
  一天,他路過一個煙攤,上去對煙販說：“這兩條“中華”我帶走了”,
  說著就拿起兩條“中華”。煙販一看,笑笑說：“新警察吧”。                                                                                
  小五說：“他娘的,你怎麼知道的？                                                                                
  煙販說：“老警察從來不拿攤上的香煙,他們都知道是假煙。
  老警察都說,給我后面拿兩條中華來。”                                                                                
  小五還拿著香煙離開煙灘后,心想這煙自己吸了也白費,
  還不如去找地方換點錢去呢.                                                                                
  于是就走到一家煙酒店                                                                                
  ”老闆來把這兩條煙給退掉”                                                                                
  ”你想要多少錢”                                                                                
  小五想了想,決不能讓他看出我是新警察                                                                                
  ”一千塊一條”                                                                                
  小五放下煙拿了錢就走                                                                                
  老闆說:                                                                                
   ”你是新警察吧,老警察都是拿走錢不留煙的”